Acts of Reparation
by shallow-seas-we-sail
Summary: Facing a new loss, Jane retreats into herself, leaving Maura the task of teaching her forgiveness and how to heal.


**A/N: getting back into the writing game with some angst with a protective!maura in mind. this contains spoilers for season five, so be aware of that. mentions a character death.. and while i may not know what the _exact _(remaining) story line for Jane's pregnancy is, i assume it will not end with _Rizzoli & Isles & Baby, _so this is me dealing with that in my own little way. this will wrap up in one more chapter. Shout out to my nephew who took time out from his _WoW_ playing to go over this for me (because apparently _i'm the bigger dork)_  
**

* * *

"_Unresponsive caucasian female."_

_The words rolled around heavy inside of Jane's head. They became stuck and settled between the ringing in her ears._

"_Victor Eight Two Five, Jane Rizzoli." A disembodied voice called out urgently. Jane's tongue rolled against the roof of her mouth and moved slowly as she attempted to push it into the back of her teeth. She could taste smoke._

"_Side impact crash, appears to have multiple rib contusions to the left side and dislocated shoulder. Unknown internal injuries. Ten minutes out from Mass Gen."_

_Jane's eye were focusing against her will. Her lids had been pulled back, the world was bright. She followed the sun and a siren sang._

_She could smell gasoline and her stomach tightened and ached._

"_Frost!" His name sailed past her lips with immediate alarm. Jane's eyes were wide. She struggled and found herself bound and her body grew hot._

"_Jane, you've been in an accident. We're on our way to the hospital. Can you tell me what happened?" A voice moved around her like wisps of smoke._

_Jane struggled to focus. Images flashed in her mind; twisted metal and shards of glass._

_Frost had been in the car._

_Her eyes moved rapidly, but she couldn't see past the brace that held her head. She fought to raise herself, but thick restraints pressed into her skin and kept her in place._

"_Yo-..you have to get him out of the car. He's.. he's trapped in the car."_

_Disorientation moved along fractured memories._

"_Jane, you were alone in the car."_

_Reality came in a little more clearly._

"_It was only you."_

_The sobriety of the words, or perhaps shock of them, sunk deep into her bones. They chilled and settled there. _

_Frost hadn't been there._

_Frost was dead. _

_Waves of nausea moved through her._

"_Jane, can you tell me if you have any medical conditions we should know about?"_

_When Jane spoke, her voice sounded unfamiliar and broken. The words so new, they barely made sense._

"_I-.. I'm pregnant."_

_Jane shifted in her uneasiness and felt a slick warmth release against her inner thighs._

_She stared at the stark, white roof above her._

_She felt herself being torn apart and her eyes burned. Tears escaped and disappeared into her hairline._

_Voices spoke and radio static hummed, filling the spaces in between the air while the blueprint for a life never lived passed like a fever from her body._

* * *

Days may have been weeks. Jane did not know. The small piece of sky she can see through the window from her bed is neither dusk or dawn, only a fading shade of deep blue.

She does not want the warm rays of the sun, or to see stars flicker with life out of reach.

She wants to stay suspended here, somewhere in the twilight.

The soft click from the lock of her bedroom door tells her that it is night.

Jane has been home from the hospital for a week, and every night has locked her bedroom door from overbearing mothers and forlorn siblings. Their concerned voices had lost momentum and faded over the days.

Maura had moved past her defenses with calculated ease. The first night she picked the lock and opened the world up to Jane, if only for a moment. The intrusion had been unwanted, and when Maura had laid beside her, Jane found herself wanting to weld the door to her tomb shut, taking Maura with her.

By the time Maura's breath had evened, Jane had stopped the battle with her tears. Her anger had dissipated and she allowed herself a small, fleeting sense of comfort.

A week later, Jane still locks the door and Maura still finds her.

She needs to know she can be found.

Maura is the only thing Jane lets exists in the darkened room that she allows her world to be.

"_Jane._" Her name floats softly past Maura's lips and Jane wants to tell her that no, that's not right. She wants to tell Maura her name is distance and here on her back, swallowed up in her covers and hidden away in the dark is exactly where she wants to be.

Jane is grateful Maura says nothing else.

The mattress dips beside her as Maura settles fully beside her and Jane wants to tell her how bad her day was.

'_I dropped my single serving pizza getting it out of microwave because I'm inept with my left arm in this goddamn sling. Cheese is still stuck the floor. I don't care enough to clean it up because everything in my body hurts._

_I saw Frost's postcard today and now my fridge is streaked and smeared with blood because I tried to punch out the sun but underestimated its strength, and not that it fucking matters, because who is God and what does he know, but I wanted Frost to be part of something that is no longer a part of me.'_

Every word is left unsaid. They settle in the back of Jane's throat and turn to ash, disappearing completely. She simply does not have the strength to speak, because everything will come out wrong.

_Everything is wrong. _

Jane stares at stars and their dull glow through her window and she wants to scream them out of the sky. Anger fills in the hollowed out parts of her.

She wants to know if Frost dreams wherever he is.

It is the feeling of Maura's arm slipping around her waist, just below her sling, that grounds Jane. Maura molds to her. Her fingers splay out across Jane's stomach and a gentle kiss presses against her temple. Somewhere in the dark, she knows Maura is telling her that she understands just how empty she feels.

The crescent moon joins the stars just through her blinds, and Jane's hand moves across Maura's forearm, gripping it tightly. She can feel the skin split at her knuckles and she aches from an absence that beats inside her chest, leaving her defeated as she cries another night to sleep in Maura's arms.


End file.
